peace

I heard someone mention that when they get stressed, they sit somewhere quiet and just block everything out. It gives them "peace."

I love escaping into other places in my head, if you know me even a little bit, you probably know this about me. But my peace isnt found in a quiet place with nothing in my head, mine is quite different.

i thought of the most peaceful scenario i could think up, somewhere peace would find me simply by being there. I envision myself in the middle of some kind of main street, with buildings on either side and street lamps all the way down reflecting off the wet ground. Its night, and theres a violent storm. The wind is throwing branches, leaves, anything it can grasp and tossing it around. The rain is hard and riding on the wind as well. There are no cars, no people. Only the sound of the whirling wind and the beating rain, and im standing right in the middle.

For me, peace is not the absence of surrounding, just the absence of people. Peace is a great storm, a powerful force that lets me know there is a bit of magic in this world, that lets me know how small i am. I am a fragile toy on an angry planet. That, at least, excites me.

Why? Why do i find peace in the earth tearing apart around me? Why do i long for a violent life? I wanna take everything i see and burn it down. I have my great differences with this world, but its not even that. Theres some kind of beauty in the storm, in its destruction. The way it moves, the way things separate. Theres more to it than i can put in words, something deep in its strength. One thing, at least, that we cannot control.