...

This darkest tower
this cannibal
this seldom hour
this hollow hall
I cant hold him back
i cant hide these fangs
i am the fire
i am the rain

This hidden cell
this haunted ship
this broken bell
the poison tip
These paper chains
so easy torn
I am the forked road
i am the war

tumblr

ok so i don't plan on abandoning this blog, but i find myself preferring tumblr to this for most stuff.

Ill probably use this blog when i feel like writing a lot, because big quantities of text dont really suit tumblr.

That being said ill be using my tumblr account a lot more.

thomasandthethunder.tumblr.com

what i need

catch my head i think its falling out
pacing circles around this crowd
i forgot what im looking for
or what i needs not here no more
i tasted sun i felt the blood
but theres another clock in the tower above
now all the faces turn to stones
this place no longer feels like home

If i spoke my mind

If i actually said everything that came to my head, i wonder what would happen. I try to be as real as possible, i absolutely despise the “mask culture” or whatever you wanna call it. I understand censorship, but there is a line that is crossed way too much. This being said, i still dont actually express 90% of what i feel or say 90% of the things that pop into my head. Does this make me just as fake as everyone else? Im not sure.

The bible says not to offend people, even if what youre doing isnt wrong, its better to just not offend others if you can help it. OK i get that, totally agree. However, there has got to be a line somewhere. I work at a church, so my dosage of Christian culture is in good supply, and i swear i feel like im in a cage sometimes. Shoreline is actually pretty progressive in this sense as far as the actual staff goes, but there is still everyone else, and everything surrounding Christian life. I see straight through so many more “Christians” than any other type of person. I know im not supposed to judge, and i feel legitimately bad sometimes for how i find myself being disgusted with some people, but man i cant help it. I feel like im walking on thin ice all the time, trying to impress some vastly misguided Christian culture. I spend so much brain power trying to stay in good graces with fake people, and less staying in good graces with the real ones, or God for that matter. I feel like an actor.

Maybe its a good thing. Maybe God has put all these people in my life to keep a muzzle on me. I dont think i believe that though. My best talks of faith, and memories of bonding with people and loving people, are the ones where i dont have to process what i say through a cultural screen.

Funny thing is this whole post came out of me wanting to post pretty explicit Lil Wayne lyrics on my facebook, but i cant because tons of my friends are from the high school group at Shoreline, and some are even parents of those students. This whole thing isnt nearly as big of i deal as im making it seem, its just annoying sometimes. I just wish people could be real, and stop judging everything based on ridiculous tradition and ignorance.

The Fire Sermon

So every time i read old emo posts i feel retarded. Its not that im too "manly" or whatever to show emotion, but nobody wants to read that crap, and this is a blog, not a journal. I never go into specifics anyway, so they always just end up sounding pathetic.

So let there be cheering and celebration, i will leave my head-storm thoughts in my head, lest i start wearing eye-liner and start shopping at hot topic.

I also got a tumblr account... im not sure what im gonna do with it though, because i already have a blogger account. Im thinking ill post all the "actual writing" on the blogger account, and just post random youtube videos / songs / crap like that on my tumblr, seems thats what its for anyway.

i think the url is thomasandthethunder.tumblr.com

we'll see if i actually utilize both.

bah

"Oh. hi God"

"Hey there Thomas, hows it goin?"

"Are you asking because you really don't know? I think you know..."

"Ha! you got me. I just like to hear you say it LOL."

"Hey i was wondering, could you just kinda zap me full of wisdom real quick? and maybe show me the plan you got for me?"

"LOL"

"whats so funny about that?"

"That would be too easy."

"So you want my life to be hard?"

"you gotta learn this stuff for yourself"

"aagh why? its not like im stayin on this world forever anyway..."

"true, but you trust me dont you?"

"yes."

"Then why are you still whining?"

"damn it."

amazing

amazing video
to an amazing song
from an amazing cd (which just got leaked)




also, listen to "No Love" by eminem feat. lil wayne. equally as amazing, if not more.

Never easy

Is it possible to change so much is so short a time?

Everything is different now... i almost miss being as numb as i was.

I cant decide whether its better to feel nothing, or to feel like theres a sword through my chest.

I have no idea where im gonna land. I just hope its God who shot me off, i cant tell yet...

guess ill just keep falling for now.

Burning

i can feel the low loud rumble
building up inside of me
i can feel the buildings crumble
i cant feel reality
I try to pull it out my chest
but i think its taking everything
with all the pain comes all the rest
and i cant run from anything