If i spoke my mind

If i actually said everything that came to my head, i wonder what would happen. I try to be as real as possible, i absolutely despise the “mask culture” or whatever you wanna call it. I understand censorship, but there is a line that is crossed way too much. This being said, i still dont actually express 90% of what i feel or say 90% of the things that pop into my head. Does this make me just as fake as everyone else? Im not sure.

The bible says not to offend people, even if what youre doing isnt wrong, its better to just not offend others if you can help it. OK i get that, totally agree. However, there has got to be a line somewhere. I work at a church, so my dosage of Christian culture is in good supply, and i swear i feel like im in a cage sometimes. Shoreline is actually pretty progressive in this sense as far as the actual staff goes, but there is still everyone else, and everything surrounding Christian life. I see straight through so many more “Christians” than any other type of person. I know im not supposed to judge, and i feel legitimately bad sometimes for how i find myself being disgusted with some people, but man i cant help it. I feel like im walking on thin ice all the time, trying to impress some vastly misguided Christian culture. I spend so much brain power trying to stay in good graces with fake people, and less staying in good graces with the real ones, or God for that matter. I feel like an actor.

Maybe its a good thing. Maybe God has put all these people in my life to keep a muzzle on me. I dont think i believe that though. My best talks of faith, and memories of bonding with people and loving people, are the ones where i dont have to process what i say through a cultural screen.

Funny thing is this whole post came out of me wanting to post pretty explicit Lil Wayne lyrics on my facebook, but i cant because tons of my friends are from the high school group at Shoreline, and some are even parents of those students. This whole thing isnt nearly as big of i deal as im making it seem, its just annoying sometimes. I just wish people could be real, and stop judging everything based on ridiculous tradition and ignorance.