Cosmic Love

My sister showed me this song, and its blown my mind, as things are increasingly seeming to lately. First listen, it just sounds like a love song. However, the more i listen to it, and the more i looked up florence and the machine (the name of the band) i am convinced this song is about a ton more (the title is pretty convincing as well). The words to this song describes the love i have for God so incredibly perfectly it put me speechless for a bit. Ive always struggled with the concept of loving God when he was so hard to see, both literally and figuratively.

Before i start assessing why, ill paste the lyrics:


A falling star fell from your heart and landed in my eyes
I screamed aloud, as it tore through them, and now it's left me blind

The stars, the moon, they have all been blown out
You left me in the dark
No dawn, no day, I'm always in this twilight
In the shadow of your heart

And in the dark, I can hear your heartbeat
I tried to find the sound
But then it stopped, and I was in the darkness,
So darkness I became

The stars, the moon, they have all been blown out
You left me in the dark
No dawn, no day, I'm always in this twilight
In the shadow of your heart

I took the stars from my eyes, and then I made a map
And knew that somehow I could find my way back
Then I heard your heart beating, you were in the darkness too
So I stayed in the darkness with you

___

Ok, so where to start... Just thinking how to put this into words is proving difficult...

It says:

A falling star fell from your heart and landed in my eyes
I screamed aloud, as it tore through them, and now it's left me blind

Its like getting just a small glimpse of God, one shooting star out of the infinite amount out there, but it blinds you. Its painful, not knowing what hits you, not knowing what you want to know about God, not being able to put God in a box. Yet i love it at the same time, this lack of perception. If i could look into the face of God and NOT go blind (and keep in mind this only talks about a fragment of his heart) would God be worth calling "God?" Im not talking about living in ignorance, the fact that we know were blind means were still trying to find him, trying to understand. And there is so much we CAN understand, and feel, experience, know... just comparatively to God, not so much.

The stars, the moon, they have all been blown out
You left me in the dark
No dawn, no day, I'm always in this twilight
In the shadow of your heart

It feels like im trudging through this world in darkness. Like God is not here in this wasteland, im just walking in his shadow. Everything i thought i saw, i realize now that i dont see at all. "The stars, the moon, they have all been blown out..." It feels like God has left me in the dark, no dawn, no day, no hope. Always in this twilight, merely in the shadow of his heart. But I dont just give up because im blind, because i cant wrap my head around "God's love" all the time in this world. It only makes me crave it more once ive felt a small part of it.... which leads the song on...

And in the dark, I can hear your heartbeat
I tried to find the sound
But then it stopped, and I was in the darkness,
So darkness I became

I search, and try to find God, and i often feel him, or hear him. I try to follow that sound, find where hes hiding. Yet every time, hes never there. Theres always more questions, more sorrow, more pain around every corner i look. and i KNOW its him i feel, i KNOW he is there because every little glimpse fills me with what i can only describe as a peace beyond this natural world, like im floating, being embraced. Yet i get so discouraged when i let that slip away, when my life keeps pushing me along into the next set of movement and problems, and i become the darkness i wallow in... I become numb.

The next part really hits the nail on the head, but first i have to explain something...

As i mentioned before, God has been taking me on a sort of weird awakening period. Its strange because i felt like i was slacking off lately, then all the sudden im on this wild ride. Weirdly, it all started after i wrote the "wrong part of me" blog... I guess God was just waiting for me to actually ASK what i wanted to ask. So this being said, one of the biggest revelations ive had lately is my perception of God. Ive learned to... i dunno how to describe it really, but 'feel' him constantly. Before, when i would pray, i would have the image of a person in my head, and talk as if i was on some cosmic phone, even though theologically i knew it wasnt like that. But now when i think of God i think of everything around me, the air, the sound of the trees. God said "I Am," and im finally beginning to see what he was trying to say. Like i said, i cant really put this into words, the scope of this. Its huge, its like i feel him everywhere now, in my arms, my feet, my insides feel like theyve got water running through them. Things i couldnt grasp before im beginning to see. I still cant grasp everything, even more so now, its like sensory overload, my head feels like its about to pop when i dig deeper and deeper. All the sudden i see everything in the bible, my life, my ideas of God in a totally new light. Its amazing, and its even more amazing knowing i still havent even put my hand on the surface.

So... saying all that, the song. These last words just go right along with the train Gods had me on.

I took the stars from my eyes, and then I made a map
And knew that somehow I could find my way back
Then I heard your heart beating, you were in the darkness too
So I stayed in the darkness with you

She takes the stars and makes a map, like taking what she does know, and making sense out of that. I know God is real, there is no doubt in my mind, i havent always known, but ive known for a while. My reasons can hardly be explained on a blog, otherwise i would just print it out save the world through my words. But words dont explain it. You have to experience him, and that is a road that is different for everyone. Point being, even in the dark world, with my blind eyes, i KNEW he was somewhere. Ive made many maps, trying to catch God and comprehend him. Trying to explain him in a neat little dialog, put him in that box. But the last 2 lines explain my new perception. I was looking for God, but God was already here. All around me. the words "you were in the darkness too" gives me chills. My favorite line in the whole song. This shitty world, this wasteland. I looked up to the stars pleading with God to show me something more... But i was so busy looking up i didnt realize he was right beside me. He was wading through the shit and the pain with me. Feeling every stab of the world with me, gasping for air in a suffocating world with me. He has been with me this whole time. He has never gotten tired of following me even in the worst places, he has never stopped loving me even when i didnt even notice he was standing in front of me begging me to turn around from what hurts me. And he is not "there" while i am "here." He IS. As the wind and the air envelops me he is embracing me through it. He IS existence. We are all creations of his consciousness, beings of his heart. He loves us more than our minds can handle. I grasp at straws, and crawl through pain to make it through this world, its hard, and im blind. The stars and the moon are blotted out, no dawn, no day. I am stuck here in this twilight. But God, I'll stay in the darkness with you.